Illustration for article titled I Turn 40 in Five Days. Heres How I Talk About it.

Me: Holy shit dude.

Boyfriend: What?

Me: I'm about to turn forty.

BF: Oh yeah that's right. Happy week away from your birthday!

Me: You realize I only have two more years of being fuckable, right?

BF: What?

Me: Yeah, ladies are now fuckable until 42!

BF: How did that get decided? Who picked that random age?

Me: This dudebro at Esquire noticed there were lots of hot ladies who were 42 or something. So that means we're fuckable until we're 42.


BF: That is dumbest thing I have ever heard. Those women are going to be 43 soon. Does it get extended if he thinks they're still fuckable then?


Me: Oh wow. I have no idea.

BF: So how are we supposed to find out if you're still fuckable after 42? Do I get a notice in the mail?

Me: I'm sure you could sign up for a text alert or something. Either way, that's only about two more years of being fuckable! We better start fucking, pronto.

BF: Sounds like a plan.

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