Working at Jezebel has taught me literally nothing except for the fact that many people are 1) dumber than I had suspected and also 2) base their opinion of this website on literally nothing other than their opinion of this website, which may or may not have anything to do with the actual words and vibes of the people who actually write for this website, many of whom are new and all of whom have excellent senses of humor.

For example, Julianne Escobedo Shepherd—Muse editor, as well as the Jezebel writer who most consistently and accidentally turns out Litmus Tests for Tiny Dum-Dums as a natural consequence of advanced swag levels in the noggin—wrote a great little satire this morning of exactly the kind of thing people think we do here all the time ("GET MAD ABOUT SOME GARBAGE THAT DOESN'T MATTER") but that all of us would like to not ever do, today or ever again. "American Sniper Promotes Unrealistic Beauty Standards for Babies," howls her headline. It is a joke—I think obviously—and handled obviously as a joke throughout.

The film notoriously forewent actual child actors in favor of plastic baby dolls, presumably to avoid traumatizing real babies from the terror of being in the same room as director Clint Eastwood. [...]

Their very existence, the upholding of these babies as somehow the way all babies should look, exerts undue pressure on actual live babies to live up to this type of unachievable ideal, and ultimately sends the message to American Sniperviewers that if their babies are not as perfect as the babies onscreen, then they are not as worthy. It says that in order to be considered beautiful, a baby must be a doll.

LOL, that cadence. That's good shit. Hey, you know what else is good shit? This:

Oh my god there are so many more! #GetJezebelOnFoxNews, or just send us to the moon, or whatever, happy Monday.