Happy Birthday Vodka Day to Me!!!!!!

Me: It's my birthday, dude!

BF: Yes, so I've been told.

Me: Oh you know?

BF: Yes, I got your Evite to the "Great Fortyening and Vodka Extravaganza."

Me: Oh good.

BF: The directions said I could find it at the "corner of 'I Give Zero Fucks' and 'Fuck All Y'All Motherfuckers' streets."

Me: Yup, that's where it is.

BF: The invite said to bring "LITERALLY ALL OF THE VODKA."

Me: Yeah. Fair warning. I'm going to be extremely drunk for the next 24 hours.

BF: OK. So how is that different from any other day of your life?

Me: Because in addition to being drunk, I get lots of presents with fancy bows on them.

BF: Oh OK.

Happy Birthday Vodka Day to Me!!!!!!

Me: YOU CANNOT STOP THE BIRTHDAY DRUNKENING. DO NOT EVEN TRY. NOTHING IS OFF THE TABLE TODAY.

BF: Oh Jesus.

Me: ALSO THE PANTS ARE COMING OFF. PANTS ARE FORBIDDEN ON BIRTHDAYS. I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY PUBLIC INDECENCY LAWS LALALALAL I CAN'T HEAR YOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUU

BF: God help us all.